Ecesis ~ finding home ~

My Love Came Back Today

2010-07-22T17:49:00.002-04:00

My love came back today
But not to me
My love has missed me
But not my body
He hasn’t ached for my smooth waist
Or tender fingers trailing
But he loves me just the same

My love returned today
But not to my embrace
My love knows I missed him
And is waiting for our lips to meet
Across the couch, sharing coffees
Not kisses

My love returned today
Completely his
I wouldn’t have him any other way

Life!

2010-05-18T06:38:00.002-04:00

A snatched moment of internet time! Must write waffle on abandoned blog so everyone knows I'm still alive!

Hello?

Oh, well. Anyway, Tree is circling me like a magpie on a diamond so I have precious few moments to write something worth your mighty click.

*pressure*

*folds*

My plans for this blog is to mainly return to my booky witterings. As this is all I do. I need a focus and despite every interest known to man sparking flutterings in my breast, I shall focus on books and writing. I am enjoying filling in my Book Lust journal and seeing the amount of books I am ploughing through, and the wide variety. I've finally learned to stick with a book to the end, instead of dipping in and out of twenty at a time.

Hurrah!

Right now

2009-08-03T11:40:00.002-04:00

Definitely lonely.
Shall pass.
Like everything.
Like comfort.
Cold metal.

The Orphan

2009-08-02T14:23:00.011-04:00

I saw The Orphan with Betty on Friday night. The showing was 9.45 and the place was packed - Date Night. I'm still not used to seeing police officers at the cinema, and any reminder that guns are legal put me on edge. Hardly a day goes by when there's not been a shooting in Detroit.
Anyway.
On the day of its release, adoption agencies and orphanages were calling for a boycott as, they said, The Orphan gave a misleading, unfair and potentially damaging view of parentless children in need of a loving home. I was thinking "Well, I see why you might be nervous but come on. No mature, compassion adult is going to withdraw their application to adopt just because they watch some daft horror film." People didn't stop camping after The Blair Witch Project, showering after Psycho, or buying chainsaws after The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, did they? Jaws may have kept people out of the water and The Hitcher from picking up strangers, but that's common sense. People can surely watch a film and make the distinction between the story and their own lives.

In the end, The Orphan was better than I thought it was going to be. It was made purely for scares, no real substance or backbone to the story or characters, but it was interesting. I loved the character of Esther, the orphan of the title. Her old fashioned dresses and impeccable vocabulary were delightful and her whole closed-off, anti-social demeanour could have blossomed into something genius, the Outsider par excellance. If she hadn't have been completely cuckoo. Shame that she couldn't have had a vague interest in blood, like that Chucky-Doll girl in ANTM, rather than had to go and actually kill people. Her art was great, loved all the hidden vibrancy ;) But alas, by the end of the film the love affair had ended with Lil Miss Quirky Boots and you had lost all sympathy for her. If she'd have kept being interesting The Orphan might've been a film to buy and keep. Instead, it ended up being just another heart-racer full of fake blood. The twist made it redemptive though, for the people worried about the future of adoption. There were some lines and moments that were hard to hear and watch, as an adopted child, and these might linger in the head of someone who makes decisions based on horror plots, but all in all, it shouldn't hurt the plight of kids needing parents.

As long as none of those parents are teens right now and have just gone to see The Orphan. The people in the auditorium were bonkers! They kept yelling stuff like "freak" and clapping and cheering when bad stuff happened to Esther. (I was with them, in the end, as I said but it was OTT) But when faced with someone a bit different their first instinct was to reject them. Slightly unnerving. They didn't seem like a very accepting crowd. When she got her make up on and went to harvest her fruit, there were so many loud shows of disgust. She just looked like a small goth. It suited her. It's something I've been wondering about for a long time, and going to see this film confirmed it: I would have been dogmeat in a US high school. Perhaps more so than at Noel Baker. The blatant, oxymoronic frankness of their narrow mindedness was scary, sod the film. It dismayed me. Yes, kids are cruel. Yes, they will find one tiny thing and make it the reason to hate you. And yes, I am done with high school, thank God. But Jake's not. Jake's going in there, with all those horrible kids (the elementary school kids were cruel in the film too - I was definitely on Esther's side with that) and he has things that are different. How can I make him strong to face cruelty? Before I've even finished the sentence, I know it's futile. There'll always be something, kids will always see the world how their parents see it and I can't stop Jake being exposed to narrow minded bigoted arseholes. Dammit.
In a country as diverse and rebellious as America, how can it be so parochial? It's rife.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

2009-07-29T10:29:00.004-04:00

Finally saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Fookin' loved it. People have complained, as they did after reading the book, about the focus on snogging and the hormonal minefield that is co-ed school. I think it's fantastic. It reminds you of the fundamental humanness of our heroes. Harry may be The Chosen One, have strength and courage unsurpassed, but he's still just a teenage boy, with all the average teenage boy worries on top of all the Voldemort worries. And seeing Hermione's emotional turmoil brought back a lot of my feelings when I fell for a friend. I connected with her, at last. That's been hard in the films. It was good to see Emma Watson had abondoned her beloved throat growl she overused in Goblet of Fire. I really enjoyed her performance in this film, and she looked beautiful.
Quidditch rocked! Missed it after Umbridge grrr.
The scene at the Burrow was genius. Absolutely loved it.
I also liked how they portayed Draco's increasing withdrawal and isolation from the student body. Alone in his task, which is far too burdensome for his young (weak) shoulders. I actually felt a bit sorry for him, which I never did when reading.
I loved the bit they did in lieu of Dumbledore's funeral. Wept like a baby. Was beautiful :)
Oh I can't think right now and I have to get ready to go to the library. My head's full of Daniel Radcliffe and, frankly, I can't think straight.

Oh!

2009-07-27T14:16:00.003-04:00

Finished Island of the Blue Dolphins yesterday. It's the kind of book you can return to year after year, it's so transporting. Beautifully simple, narrated so that you are instantly seeing the island and the world through Karana's eyes and thoughts. I found it so inspiring the way she teaches herself, and survives off her own courage and persistence. She adapts so well, finding enjoyment, friends, learning about the inherent love in animals, crafting things for necessity and pleasure. Makes plans, sometimes working through many seasons to see the fruits of her labours. No rush, no defeatism - just pure determination and inner-faith. A true heroine. I adore her.

I want to go first

2009-07-25T11:12:00.002-04:00

I don't want to be left behind.

Isn't that the most incredibly selfish thing?

Eisenhower Library

2009-07-23T10:27:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I arrived at the library on Eisenhower at 11.30 and found a little desk against the window at the back and settled down with some poetry. Then I got on with writing and rewriting some stuff. 'Crystal Lantana' got a third rewrite, totally stripped down. The first couple of stanzas went down from 30 words to 16. I think it's better, but I could be wrong. When you've sat with a poem for hours you stop being able to see it from a distance and this can hinder you. I keep rewriting it because I know it can be good, the bare bones of it I love.

First time I looked at my watch it was 2.15! Was gutted time had gone so quick, but happy it'd gone so peacefully. I didn't even hear it pass.

I am going to go back next Wednesday, and the Wednesday after that and the.... It was so good to just work and not have 10,000 interruptions or distractions. Once weekly doesn't feel enough but it will be for now. When Jake goes to school I can go more often.

Get thee to a scullery

2009-07-21T10:40:00.004-04:00

A nothing day today (so why come blog? Cuz I'm bored and need to find a focus, and generally achieve that through a few pages of mindless rambling. Sucks to be you.) Nothing to report, nothing to pre-report, nothing to plan. I feel completely useless. I am actually having cleaning fantasies. I wish I had my own house to keep pretty. I am having that nesting thing that women have just before labour. I keep buying decorating books and picking colour schemes. I keep having to stop myself from tidying up this house.
It's all functional. By that I mean, everything's doing the same job it's done for the past 30 years and there's no eye for beauty or pleasure. I suppose growing up and then living in a completely male-dominated environment would knock the Aphrodite beauty-loving whispers out of any woman, if they're even there at all, so I understand why there's no eye for attractiveness. But I just wish there was some glimmer of prettiness somewhere. The bedspread was a lovely gesture, but it was such a masculine design, it proved that she goes for at best unisex, at worst plain stuff most of the time. There was a gorgeous lilac one, much like the duvet set we had in England and I wished she'd have thought to choose that one. Bob doesn't care what he sleeps in. I do prefer to have things that look nice. I don't think this is superficial, I just am a very visual person and love things that are aesthetically pleasing. It's what makes me a good artist. If I would only apply myself.
Not that I only go for pretty things for the sake of it. As a Capricorn I love things to be practical and to have surroundings that are both beautiful and practical is the ideal. I may seem to be contradicting myself, but it's true. Decorating a room with new ornaments or things just because they match or look good seems like a waste to me. Having had the house full of useless clutter, I can't stand to have things around me anymore that have no use or that I don't love. But lovely objects that have a history or a meaning to you, along side well-thought out functional items that also look good.....that's what I want my house to be like. A lovely, pleasing space to come home to, relax in. Not have it all clambering around your eyes, screaming for order, for clarity. So sick of that. A place for pleasure, ease, comfort, enjoyment. A place of beauty to reflect love.

Complete Twat

2009-07-19T00:02:00.005-04:00

I may have overreacted slightly, but the whole stress of the situation just overwhelmed me and I couldn't hold back the tears. Plus I was gutted I'd lost the little cards from my sister and the last of my savings.
As I got my bag ready to leave for the big Curry Ingredients Spree I looked at the savings in my wallet that I'd put in for yesterday's estate sale and thought "I should really leave that at home" but ended up not, and taking it all out with me.
I did my own thing in Meijer while Bob and Butch got some kitchenware to make a big elaborate curry, Indian soup and naans for this evening. I paid for my stuff, got rushed by the Chinese woman behind me whose box of cereal was hurtling towards me before I'd even started packing my bag (self-scan with conveyer belts - not a good idea with impatient ppl), had a quick slurp at the water fountain on the way out and went and sat in the truck and talked to Mike about Marilyn Monroe. Bob and Butch weren't back yet so I figured I had time to nip back in the store and have a wee (yes, you are going to get every detail because this still feels like one big drama that I have to release for any real sense of closure). As I put my eyeliner back in my bag I thought "This feels light, where's my....shit!!!" My wallet wasn't in my bag. Flew to the Customer Service desk, pushing in to ask if anyone had handed in a green wallet. She looked in a little cupboard and said no. Checked the conveyor belt - not there. Asked the bloke standing at the self-scan helpdesk - no. Really trying not to panic but really starting to panic. Went to the truck to see if it was in there or my bag of shopping. Ran back to the Customer Service desk to ask again. Bloke had a dozy look through that box, "Nah. You can check back later." I thought he would ask for my details so he could contact me if it got handed in but he didn't.
I then started crying because of the aforementioned keepsakes and savings and it kept upsetting me that someone had my pictures of Jake. My three strapping young men asked for security while I literally digged in bins, sure that all I needed to do was find it, it was lying somewhere waiting for me and it would be okay. If someone had taken the money, they'd have just dumped the rest, like last time. The security woman came up and said she'd check the tapes but not to get my hopes up because if it's been taken then I'm not gonna see it again. From what she said, she didn't think much of Ypsilanti folk. Anyway, she checked the tapes, said she saw the Chinese woman with her box of cereal, but there was no wallet in the packing area, from what she could see. Which was sort of a relief, as that might mean I'd just misplaced it, instead of it being stolen. Except we'd looked everywhere.
So I thanked her and left to go cancel my bank and library card.
As we pulled up outside the house, Bob's mum came out on the phone and it was the security lady at Meijer - the purse had been handed in at the Customer Service desk! She said she'd checked the tapes again and could see it on the floor (well done me) and a Meijer guy had seen it and handed it in. I was like, I asked there twice! Bloody useless. So happy though. I was really torturing myself for being such a ditsy twat.
So, phew, happy ending. I might get it sewn into my right arm to avoid another escapade.

Curry was lovely :)

Just keep swimming...

2009-07-18T11:20:00.002-04:00

Just testing the ability to upload pics on here. When I've tried it with web-based photos it's not worked.
"No hurling on the shell dude, ok? Just waxed it." :)

Ann Arbor Art Fair 2009

2009-07-18T09:09:00.004-04:00

So we did get to the 50th Ann Arbor Art Fair - the oldest and largest art fair in the country. There was some great stuff but all quite highly priced. I like pretty bowls just as much as the next man, but I wouldn't pay $500 for one. There was one exhibit with dogs in the paintings and I was like "awwwww" and gravitated towards them til I noticed they were sat in cocktail glasses with bits of olive and cherry round them. "Eugh I don't like them!" I yelled and swerved away, but not before I was shot a dirty look and an audible "harrumph" from the lady keeping the stall. The artist? Maybe. Eeek. Well they were grim. Why would I want a painting of a Westie in cocktail glass?
There were some great Musical Theatre collages which drew me from across the street - the Rent one in particular - but on closer inspection the original art was a bit crappy and the most interesting bits were the shots of the shows. Then Bob joined me and said "Your Rent collage is better than that" so I decided yeah, I can make my own Wicked collage and not have to fork out $50. Got a lovely little ring for my right hand. Since my so-called Whitby Jet ring fell apart, I've been on the hunt for a nice replacement and was perusing some black stoned rings priced at around $14 but the silver was all dull and they didn't go with my still shiny pentagram and snake. Then I spotted a small circular stone that looked dark but had a red tint in the light...like a phial of blood so I tried that one and whaddaya know? a perfect fit. It didn't have a tag so I asked the lady how much and she said "the ones not tagged are $8." Sold! Very happy, and I've since noticed it's flocked (is that the word?) by two leaves.....it's just perfect :)
We then went to a great Indian restaurant called Madras Masala to sample some US-based curries and oooooh baby......I know this sounds a bit backward but I loved it, cause it was just like Bob's homemade curries. A taste of home :) Fucking gorgeous samosas! Jake had paratha. Only thing was they didn't serve alcohol and the coke was a bit.....odd. Didn't finish mine but they didn't stop refilling the water glasses so that was okay.
I went over to Betty's when I got in and watched "From a Whisper to a Scream" with Vincent Price. Great horror stories set around this one small town. My fave bit was these kids playing "Pin the Limb on the Torso" where they gave a kid say a dismembered arm with a hook in it, spun him round and he had to attach it back in the right spot. I just love that idea - wish I'd thought of it.
*sombre note*
I am fully aware that murder and dismemberment are every day horrors for many unfortunate souls on our human-ridden planet and in no way do I glorify or find amusing such atrocities. It's easy to view such things as fun when shown in the spirit of entertainment whilst in the luxury of a safe life. For this I am humbled and thankful.

This a.m. Jake's gone to a tractor show with Grandpa and Grandma and we might be heading down to the Corner Brewery which is hosting the ShadowFair - a small, entirely local, art fair to counteract the masses at the main do. Will be good to see local art plus they've made a Shadow Brew just for the fair - one day only. Yay!
Blessings to all x x x

Estate Sale on Cottontail

2009-07-17T14:01:00.005-04:00

Jean, Jake and I went to an estate sale today on Cottontail Lane. I've never been to one before and it made me feel like a vulture, rummaging through someone's house, asking how much stuff was. I don't know the circumstances of the sale, whether it was after a death or not - I've heard of them being done after a murder...anyway. Literally everything was for sale - the food in the cupboards, the clothes hanging in the closets, the old tools in the basement. A whole lifetime's worth of material accumulation.
I got some goodies though, so I'm happy :) A fan with blue blades for $3. I've cleaned her up, called her Fanny and she's looking so retro, I love her!
Some cocktail napkins by Playboy with cartoons of women on them...funny. Three out of 36 missing but they were only a dollar and from the 50s.
A cup and saucer that matches the memory box I got the other week. Turquoise and pinkiness....they look good together :)
An ashtray that has the sides all bent up into itself all curvy with gold leaf and flowery designs in the glass. Bits of blue and green...I dunno, I liked it. Gonna use it for keys though, not ash. Or maybe keep it empty.
Two gorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgeous cases. One looks to be a hat box, patent black fake snakeskin and sooo sexy and the other is a wide briefcase (about 7 inches) with separate compartments in it and good solid sides. They were both in such good condition I couldn't resist, the massive briefcase was only $3, the hatbox $5. Me's happy. I buy a lot of empty boxes and large cases, I wonder if there's any psychology behind that. I desire an empty head! Or I have one that needs filling.....whatever.
Jake got a little model of a 1917 car that's a pencil sharpener.
There was some beautiful antique furniture in there, some very odd 70s furniture and a wicked baby piano. I found a lovely large cupboard/sideboard thing with shelves in it and a drawer at the top behind the doors. It was $50 and even though it was a lot cheaper than the rest of the furniture, so obviously not antique, it was still a nice piece and a bargain, I reckon. Considering what the prices are even in cheap shops for something with doors on. So yay! First piece of furniture for our new home! Bob's not seen it yet, hope he likes it, although it's a bit late if he doesn't.
Should be going to the Art Fair this afternoon after Bob gets back from work :) *cracks open a Guinness*

Bars, Cops and Breakdowns

2009-07-14T10:09:00.000-04:00

Last night I went over to Betty's at 9pm to go with her to meet Rosie at Applebee's. We were going to go to the carnival which had been at Pioneer high school since Thursday but Walt had told me it'd packed up and gone today so we changed our plans to a few drinks at the bar. Well, Applebee's is a restaurant but after nine the drinks and the entrees are half off! Yays! Long Island Ice Tea for $3 = happy women. We also had some Strawberry Margheritas with sugar round the rim instead of salt, which were good too, but like a milkshake so they went down way too fast. Only had two drinks but we had a good time. I've finished Red Dragon and Rosie was telling me that it's not the film adaptation of the same name I need to see, but an earlier one called Man Hunter which is better, freakier. So we set off for Hollywood Video to rent it, but they'd closed at 11 :( Deciding to go see if Betty had it in her On Demand on her TV we set off for her house (two doors downs from the Steffes) but Rosie hit a pothole in her car and it started making loud boy-racer sounds so she pulled over to check it. It turned out to be just a wobbly muffler (who hasn't had one of those?) but as we were all looking at it in this dark residential side street, the police pulled up along side us and asked if we "needed any assistance." Rosie explained what was going on, trying her best not to breathe on him, while Betty babbled on about us being English and he looked at the car. Making that kinda noise with a defective muffler is illegal and he told Rosie to get home but get it fixed immediately. She had just had it fixed in January, for $700 so she was a bit pissed it had fell off already. Anyway, the nice police officer told us to get home and take care. Phewph! We hadn't had a lot, but even one obviously is of concern.
Rose decided to get herself home as her mum was due back with her sister from Tokyo at 7am. I went back with Betty and we watched Needful Things. Oh how I've missed Mr Gaunt! I wanna read that book again. Was my first Stephen King and holds a special place in my heart. Even if the end was bonkers. The film end was a bit better, and Ed Harris was good as Alan Pangborn.
Halfway through the film Rosie rang saying she'd had six restricted phonecalls (she's had a few from the same guy who acts all familiar like he knows her but she doesn't recognise the voice) and was a little freaked. Betty thinks it might be a guy who worked at the hospital where Rosie and Betty used to work together (Rosie a nurse and Betty a clerk) who stalked Betty for a bit after getting her number from the hospital records. Hope not! But then, who else?
A question for you: Would you believe a surgeon if he told you poison ivy was not contagious? What if he had it on his dick? And he was there specifically to fuck?
I'd tell him to do himself and get the hell off. How can a surgeon get away with behaviour like that? Unacceptable.
Home Run Derby last night and Brandon Inge of the Tigers didn't get one :s
In other news, I have my Permanent Resident Card, an ID card with a holographic underside and a charming photo of myself. I have to carry it everwhere and it enables me to work etc. It expires in 2019 when I have to apply for a new one. I can apply for citizenship after five years' residency. Should I? I think I would go dual.
Missing English culture. 'Tis so different here. A good dose of something British would be great :) Internet just doesn't feel authentic. Could be a video of the Queen eating Yorkshire Pudding on top of Big Ben with Stephen Fry and the cast of Eastenders doing Morris Dancing and it still wouldn't cut it.
Love to all x

Eyes smarting now

2009-07-13T13:12:00.000-04:00

This CoverGirl eyeshadow is making my eyes feels sore and heavy, like when you misguidedly try an old favourite shadow colour you just found. Lesson learned - steer clear of CoverGirl. Despite the great Ellen DeGeneres ad.

I allowed someone else's Agreements to get to me.

2009-07-08T14:36:00.000-04:00

I reverted back to an old Self and tortured myself with half-truths. I listened to words from ignorant mouths and discounted my own intelligence. My own experience.
But what if I was wrong? What if the grass was greener, if never thought of? Who am I to say whose heart belongs to whom?

I soon realised I know better. He may have once jammed or drank but he never listened, or saw. England may have been a catalyst for a better or worse state, but if he was an insider, he'd have known which. Being left behind to stagnate will make you bitter.
I took your ignorance personally when I should have disregarded it as nothing to do with me and my own Dream. Your Agreements, your bullshit.
I'm not sorry I made him happy. I'm not sorry I'm not her. I'm not sorry you never tried to be a good friend.
You're probably exactly the same. Miserable, fat, emphysemic. Resisting growth and renewal, spitting on the world for not kissing your ass, creating lies to make yourself feel better that your life is shit, your wife's a bitch and your son has been drugged up since age two.
How could I have listened to a man like you? You know, and are, nothing. Go fuck yourself.

Independence Day

2009-07-08T14:09:00.000-04:00

We had our Fourth of July (funny how they say the date for Independence Day the British way) on the Friday, so the workin' folk could have a full weekend and not have a Sunday hangover. By the time Bob and I got there the fire was already going and the mosquitos were in full swing. I tried to smoke myself with the fire to ward them off, but this did bugger all.
The gibbous moon was high and bright and I worked on my moontan for a while, downing some Poet beers and watching deer come in and out of the field. At one point there were six grazing on the grass, a few keeping watch on us. Fireworks kept scattering them so they eventually just stayed hidden.
Jake enjoyed his little ground fireworks we got on sale at Meijer and then it was time for the big ones. They went up above the trees and gave a good show. Gotta admit though: I prefer watching the fireflies' bums light up :)
Jake stayed up til about 12.30 and I wasn't long behind him. Bob, Jake and I stayed in the camper that stays out at the property. Bob stayed talking to his Uncle Jerry til 4.30 am.
A quiet Fourth of July - my second - but I was just happy to be here. It was a goal I'd set back when we first got our interview date for the Embassy and I thought maybe I'd been overly ambitious as July was only five months away. Got here sooner and had chance to settle in - madness.

Witter witter more than Twitter

2009-07-01T11:44:00.000-04:00

Shake up shake up. Rejigged to include US-based musings. Enjoy. Ignore. Scour for secret love notes to yourself. Posts will be intermittent or all at once. Boring and mundane. Daft and melancholy. Poor grammar, nonsense and rambling galore. Welcome.

Please, for my sake, if you come and here and know any Faircloths, don't tell them about this blog. I want freedom and privacy from under their wing and would like to keep it that way. Thanks!

Miracles!

2009-05-07T03:41:00.000-04:00

In the past two weeks (not counting the week on holiday cause I never get any proper reading in at Center Parcs as sharing a bedroom with Jake means no before-bed reading) I have read three - THREE! - books. This is how life should be. Actually getting things read, enjoying a book and loving it wholeheartedly while you're in it, then diving into the next one like a fickle lover. I have read The Witch's Trinity by Erika Mailman, The Owl Killers by Karen Maitland (very complemementary) and The Way of Wryd by Brian Bates. Hurrah! This, and more, is how much a person like me should be reading. I must stop dipping in and out of books and stories and stick with them. I love finishing a book now. Before it used to fill me with sadness, when I could see the last 50 pages within sight, I'd slow down and skid to a halt a lot of the time. Not wanting to leave the author's lovely world. But now even though I miss characters still, I remind myself I can go back if I want to and that sadness is only shortlived anyway because I can engross myself in a new world with the next book. I feel like I'm learning to read all over again lol. Falling in love with books and stories all over again. My non-fiction are still a bit distracting and I continue to put them aside for weeks on end, but learning is a different animal to entertainment.
My friend has just lent me Brida by Paulo Coelho and so I've started that now. It's a bit infuriating at the minute...I feel like it's being rammed down my throat. Not by my friend, by Coelho. And it's full of rubbish! I thought The Alchemist was a subtle book, maybe I remember it incorrectly. Or maybe he's just changed.

Out with 90, in with four.

2009-04-17T04:10:00.000-04:00

I donated 90 of my darling books to charity yesterday. Over the years we've been preparing to move, I've got rid of quite a few but not so many at once. Then I went into Waterstone's and bought four more....those damn 3 for 2s!!!!! But I did go in looking for specific books, and came out with two of them. The third I couldn't find. But I got The Owl Killers by Karen Maitland. It's fantastic so far. Set in the early 14th century in East Anglia, a group who call themselves the Owl Masters rule a small village under a murderous regime of punishment for villagers who dishonour their lord, Taranis. No one knows who they are and if your loved one is taken by them (after a warning of a dead owl on your doorstep) you must never speak of it. What I love is that I've learnt something new. Around these times women set up what was called "beguines" - self-contained communities inhabited and run totally by women where they teach, study, craft and heal. People were wary of them, for without God or witchery they did not understand women not needing men. They would take their charitable meats or grains, but spit at them as they turned their backs.
In the book they've come from the Vineyard in Belgium and have set up right outside the Owl Masters' domain. As their crops thrive and the village's fail, they come under threat and jealousy and suspicion gives way to accusations of witchcraft and heresy. From the first page I was enthralled, which hardly ever happens as I rarely take in the first 20 pages of a book. This group of elitist male thugs is terrifying as they murder, rape and torment their way to power.
I love the beguines though, and how everyone is called Martha. "Gate Martha" keeps the gate. "Merchant Martha" takes the sewing and whatnot to market for selling. "Kitchen Martha" cooks. The head of them all is called "Servant Martha". I know strength and unity amongst women is not a 20th century creation, but I just love the fact they did this, Christians or not. Women not being ruled by men is such a pleasing thought, even in a fictional book I swell with pride and admiration. I want to find out more about them.

Warehouse giveaway

2009-03-01T07:45:00.000-05:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/feb/28/free-books-culture

As the first sentence states.....this looks like heaven (no pic on the net sorry) but the big pile of splayed books and bent pages make my veins crimp and I'm desperate to tidy the place!

I need a van and a driving licence!!

Hurrah!

2009-02-23T15:31:00.000-05:00

Oxfam came up trumps today - a book I've put on the back burner for a while, Visual Magick by Jan Fries and an older volume called The Marriage Book, which is without author or publication date. It has black and white plates in depicting photos of children and trifles, so I don't think it's that old. Maybe 40s/50s. The contents page was intriguing: Chapter II Getting To Know Yourselves: The Male and Female Sex Organs; Chapter IV The Love Art of the Husband: The Length of Intercourse. It goes from planning babies to dealing with problem children, pickling onions, sewing pockets, children's games, insurance...... I had to get it. Might get some useful insights into married life by going old school. As long as I don't have to get up three hours before him to make breakfast and bathe him, I'm fine :) Perhaps once I get reading I'll get some indication or mention of the era.

Setting Sun

2009-02-18T04:47:00.000-05:00

Started Breaking Dawn last night and was most disappointed to learn it was the final book. I want it to go on forever!! Well, they will, but there just won't be any books about it. I heard there may be an Edward narrative book called Midnight Sun, but whether or not this is rumour or a genuine Stephenie announcement I don't know. I may scour her website (www.stepheniemeyer.com) --btw I picked my colours before I went to her site - I don't copy!-- and see if there's anything official.

It's a hunk of a book. I want to make it last, but I don't want it to end (I never want books to end, which is why I abandon them!). I hope she changes. I hope Jake comes back. I hope there is an Edward book, I love his vocab :)

2009-02-17T16:56:00.000-05:00

Bertrand Russell's Why I Am Not a Christian was in the 3 for 2 offer at Waterstone's today - Hurrah! I swiftly found two other books to complete the trio. One I read a review of in the Saturday Review and made a note to look for it - The Kingdom of Infinite Space by Raymond Tallis - because Chris and I were having (once again) the very same discussion last week: is our soul/self in our heads or not, why does it feel like it is and if we have a centre is it in fact in our brains. I believe our consciousness is in every cell in our body - including emotions, memories, decisions etc - but yet feel very much "in my head". Probably because I think so much and most of my day is taken up with mental hikes of emotion, ideas, creativity, philosophy, stupidity and, physically, I do very little. So hopefully reading this will make sense of that internal paradox. Or I'll discover my soul actually resides in a currently unexplored region of my self, like my duodenum (I've loved that word and body part ever since A&P: The Digestive System).

T'other book was Jeremy Paxman's The English, the title of which keeps making me do a second take because I'm convinced it says 'Englsih'....shiny lettering playing tricks on me. Anyway, I thought as I'm moving countries and may need some sense of my own nationalism despite being prepared to wholeheartedly embrace the American life and identify myself and family as such, I best educate myself on who the English actually are. I want to know my roots, my....Good Lord, am I really going to say this....my people and have a solid knowledge on what makes the English what they are and when some half-wit tries to tell me what the English are all about again, I can hold my own. I'm not usually one for divisions of people and have yet to get my head round the reasons behind accents and differing beliefs and languages (is there something in the water or what?) but I don't want to lose my past or not be able to tell my all-American kids what being English is and means. I never had a sense of heritage, not knowing my family's roots (or indeed my family) but want to make sure my kids do, especially as it'll be dual.

Finished Eclipse last night, the third installment of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight saga, and I found it extremely comforting. It may just be fiction, but art reflects life and knowing that Bella, even with her intense, beyond-all-boundaries-and-Earthly-measurements love for Edward, can still feel love for another. I've always believed a human heart is too big, or should be, to hold just one person in it, and you should love as often and as strongly as you can. Embrace whoever graces your life, because whether you've had dozens or none, love is always a blessing and shouldn't be treated dismissively. So, yes, even though Bella and Edward's love is the crazy, truly powerful kind that can bridge species, it's nice to know that even that doesn't stop her loving others. It's almost as if the safety in the knowledge of such love gives you the freedom to use your heart more openly. Because if it does get bruised, there'll always be that constant there, that one person who will love you without condition or cessation. "Love feels like safety, that you've got everything covered; no stress, no fear." Robert Carlyle knows what I mean.

New books

2009-01-27T16:04:00.000-05:00

I didn't get to the lovely big Foyles in London but I did browse the smaller version in the new St Prancras International station (it was crap) and had a look in a small branch of Waterstone's on Oxford Street before my medical appointment. I didn't buy any at the time because I had plans to scour the indie bookshops for some real "finds" but they had great books in the "3 for 2" offer and a good selection in the Philosophy and Spirituality (called Mind Body and Spirit in our branch - I prefer the London one :)) sections. As I am on a constant budget these days I couldn't afford the Foyles prices and ended up in WHSmith at St Prancras and got four books in the "Buy one get one half price" offer:

December - Elizabeth H Winthrop (I often pick books and and songs by titles and this and the next book are cases in point - didn't realise they are both included in Richard and Judy's bookclub, but I shan't hold that against them as I adored The Lovely Bones and Labyrinth before R&J got their mitts on them) Weird how Amazon aren't selling it themselves...

The Gargoyle - Andrew Davidson. Was also drawn to this for the reason of its blackened page edges... love that :) And I like the quote on the cover: "Love is as strong as death, as hard as hell."

The Birthing House - Christopher Ransom. Ooo, not great reviews from Amazon. Hope it's not another The Secret of Crickley Hall, which is the only book I've ever wished to not have read. Oh well, it meant I got this next one half price....

Dreams From My Father - Barack Obama. This one I've wanted for a while after reading The Audacity of Hope and started it on the train. I'm about 80 pages in and love it so far. It's great to see how his life began and the building blocks that have shaped the most eloquent, inspiring politician I've ever known.

I'm still itching for a good bookshop browse and so am planning a trip to the Borders (and Waterstone's) in the Bullring in Birmingham on Thursday. Hopefully will find a good non-fiction. This is what I've got my eye on at the minute. . .

Why I am Not a Christian - Bertrand Russell
Sacred Contracts - Caroline Myss

Just added the links for points of interest, not necessity :)

Foiled

2009-01-21T08:13:00.000-05:00

Just picked up Eclipse to start reading while Jake eats his dinner and it seems my theory of the colour of the titles is foiled already. In the pictures on the inside cover all the titles look white apart from the fourth. Now I realise that Twilight is a pale blue, New Moon is white, Eclipse a butterscotch colour and Breaking Dawn red.

But even, so....maybe. There's hope for our Bella yet :)

New books

2009-01-21T05:31:00.001-05:00

Another profitable trip to the charity shop this morning. There were boxes outside with signs on saying "Four books for a Pound" and it's always worth a quick gleg anyway :)

Quiz Facts: Earth and Space ---- With Jakey asking questions ten to the dozen (last night it was why he and daddy couldn't have a baby in their tummies) I thought this one might be useful as a quick reference as it is laid out in a concise question and answer format: "What is the atmosphere made of?" and "Why does a comet have a tail?" Things you think you know until someone asks you then you can't string the knowledge together. Well, hopefully this will help with the quick fire questions.

A Dickens Anthology ---- A small pocket book with snippets of Dickens' books arranged into categories like "The Philosophic Mind".

Secrets of Mind Power by Harry Lorayne ---- Love books on mind power and mental agility. Ha! And it's finally made me understand syllogisms, which have confused the hell out of me since that daft vicar in Three Men and a Little Lady. Heehee. I get them now. As I read through, deciding if it was worth picking up, I read a section called "What about the really big problems?" and how thinking of a man with no feet when you have no shoes may work in some instances or temporarily but in the long run do not help your situation and may make it worse with guilt and such like. Then he starts on people that wish they had more money and how some people are being paid well for their skills and some aren't. The reasons why some aren't are "laziness, fear of changing to a new job or new location, and a lack of confidence." He goes on to say, "One of the saddest types of business failure is the person who has stayed in the same place for years - afraid to make a change. This type firmly believes that he just didn't have the right opportunities. Well friend, opportunity is a state of mind - plus action!"
I can see what he means. Some people are perfectly happy and content to remain in the one company their whole lives (there used to be a mutual benefit for that set-up that seems to be lost now in many places) but then for some they always talk of breaking free but wait for someone or something to come smash the chains. I was like that in Co-op. I tried to get new jobs, tortured myself when I failed interview after interview and wondered why on Earth I couldn't improve myself. Part of it was a lack of self-belief when talking about myself or being asked to "sell" myself and part of it was fear of change, of being the new girl again, settling in to new people, new orders, new job skills. In the application I wrote how I embrace these challenges and love to learn new skills, and in theory I do, but in reality I like to be comfortable and feel safe in my surroundings and don't do well with upheaval. Highly-sensitive people, who are overwhelmed easily and already over-stimulated without everything being all different, find new situations hard to acclimatise to. But this is not a reason to strive. So, anyway. This book seems to be business/personal success and motivation orientated. Which will complement my more spiritual mind power books :)

And lastly, Schott's Original Miscellany by Ben Schott which I've had my eye on for ages. I love random knowledge books filled with things like different types of murders (did you know if you kill your sister you have commited sororicide? Not surprising, actually, that one), art styles (Gothic to Cubism) and also "Some Notable Belgians" hehe. So yes, I love these kind of books. Ooo! Just learned that Nietzsche was a lefty! Charming - if a Victorian husband dies the wife must mourn for two to three years; if a wife dies it's three months! So rude. Seems a bit backward too; surely the woman can't hang about mourning and being unable to remarry for that amount of time, she'll be destitute. A man can mourn for as long as he likes without losing his livelihood. I suppose it would depend on class.

Finished a book!

2009-01-21T03:44:00.001-05:00

This doesn't happen very often, so yes, it does warrant a blog entry. After watching Obama's inauguration and about as much parade as I could handle I retired to my bed chamber with the last candle and finished the last 100 or so pages of Stephenie Meyer's New Moon. Not wanting to give anything away for the Twilight commencers tuning in, but it was an excellent ending (I cried) and I'm itching to pick up Eclipse now :) I am wondering why Breaking Dawn has a different font colour for the title on the cover (red when the others are white), and must get to it ASAP. I hope it's for a reason, and the right reason!
I really wish I'd had these books as a teenager. They're pure escapism and, for a hormonal, searching teenager, the perfect blend of love and otherworldly suspense.

New Purchases

2009-01-19T18:22:00.000-05:00

Today I nipped into the Mind charity shop and picked up two books -

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
Mary Anne by Daphne Du Maurier

I love Du Maurier and the Roy book I remembered as the Booker Prize winner a few years ago.

There were three copies of The Edge of Reason, the Bridget Jones sequel. I never did finish the first one, not being able to relate to it much and it seems the charm of the book is in the recognition of self and situations. I tried to read it after I saw, and enjoyed, the film but found it a hard slog. And never bothered with the second. Seems it's not a book people treasure.

Also received an online purchase today: The Poetic Edda, translated by Lee M Hollander. Meant to be the best translation so I'm looking forward to that.

Just wanted to list the books purchased since Christmas:

Another copy of Crow by Ted Hughes (a copy to carry around and batter :)
The Living Woodland by David Boag (free with Crow)
The Brief History of the Dead by Kevin Brockmeier
Collins Complete British Trees (more portable than my tree book and better photos)
Be Near Me by Andrew O'Hagan (again, as the other was soiled {brand new for 2 squids!})
The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron
Hedge-Rider by Eric de Vries
Lark Rise to Candleford by Flora Thompson
A New Earth by Eckart Tolle
Host by Stephenie Meyer
Earth Angels by Doreen Virtue (again; duh)

See, I buy these books through various means (three of the above were two pounds each and others on multi-buy offers), but then always pick up old ones to reread, like I'm glued to - and gaining more revelations the second time around - Caroline Myss's Anatomy of Spirit and have also pulled out of the depths Eugene T Gendlin's Focusing. And I still need to finish the Twilight books.

I overtax myself.
See, this is why immortality is so enticing, Chris :)

Criminal

2009-01-18T16:31:00.000-05:00

Downright theft and mutilation! He should be banned from ever owning books again.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/jan/16/rare-books-farhad-hakimzadeh

Welcome and hello to none and all

2009-01-18T07:14:00.000-05:00

This is my new blogspot home. I've had an alternate idea for a blog for a while now, but not felt either one I have (it amazes me how readily the Internet furnishes people with outlets for their drivel :) has felt the right place. One is nice and neutral and more of a diary, catch-up blog, while the other was an account of the dark. So here is my new home to spill all my aimless, inconsequential thoughts on all things books.
Considering I buy so many books a month (the number, which will become apparent as the blog progresses, is shameful) and have so many read and unread, loved and unknown on my shelves, I thought it a natural, long over-due choice to have a book blog. I have no academic or literary credentials. I do not follow any particular genre or subject. I'm a book whore, a book nymph, and I will consume anything and everything. However I do go by the adage that life is too short to read bad books. Although I rarely give up on a book. I am discerning, but to my own tastes, not others'.
I think this will give me an idea of the colossus that is my book collection and also how little I actually get read, being a dipper and a diver. I dip in and out of some, then dive head-first and don't come up for air til the last page on others.
It will also, perhaps, be an examination of addiction. As I do get a high from buying books, am not put off by monetary means, or lack thereof, and am convinced the next book I read will be The One; the perfect story, the one with which I will feel an indelible kinship, the one to fix me and make me whole. Maybe the only one with which I feel that kinship will be the one I write myself :)